My life has been an up and down journey these last few years, especially the last 1 1/2 year. I sometimes feel like I’m in a never-ending tunnel and a windy one at that. I can’t seem to make any major decisions and when I do if things go a little askew then I second guess myself.
I’ve been working temp jobs wherever they were located, at either one of my sons or mother-in-law. I’ve taken a couple of trips out west to see family there. I like not being tied down to a job and being able to pick up and go when I want but I also feel like I need my own place. I am beginning to feel like I’ve over stayed my welcome and just a little tired of living out of a suitcase.
I did get a permanent full-time job and was going to settle in, however, I was miserable. The job and I weren’t a good match and the living situation was not working out as I had hoped. I prayed about it and felt a release so I quit. Now I am unemployed with nothing on the horizon. So of course I’m wondering if I did the right thing. But I just can’t believe that I have to work a job where I’m miserable, especially at my age. But then at my age jobs are fewer.
I find myself looking at people who have not served God as faithfully as Lindell and I did, and especially the ones responsible for him losing his last position, and wonder what’s up. I know all the cliche’s about the righteous and unrighteous etc. but when you’re in the middle of it all you do find yourself questioning. You go through all the past and wonder, did we fail somewhere, were we fooling ourselves? I often wonder if we missed it by taking that last position, should we have stayed where we were at the time. But – you can’t change the past.
Oh well, it is what it is. All I can do is continue. Continue doing what I know, loving God with all my heart and doing my best to follow Him.