My life has not been the same since December 2007 when Lindell had cancer surgery but the real kicker was March 19, 2008 at the election when he was blindsided by the vote. It did something to him that he never recovered from and I have to wonder if it affected his ability and will to fight the cancer.
It’s been seven years now and my life has not been the same. I in fact have not really had a life as it’s been consumed, first with taking care of him and now with no purpose or direction. I know what everyone says – God is with me yada yada… I know that myself, I’ve taught it, said it to others as well as to myself for the last seven years. But when your in the middle of it and it goes on and on and on.
I know my family wants me to figure our my life, they are getting frustrated and I am wearing out my welcome. Oh they would never tell me that and would even deny it but…. It has been almost two years since he passed and I’m still leaching off of them. Sure I work and try to be sure and pay my own way, but as Lindell always said, No house is big enough for two families, or in this case, two women.
I don’t know what to do. I really thought I would know by now, that the right job that I could enjoy and would help be make my own way would have come. I admit I have enjoyed the flexibility of working temporary jobs and not being tied down, however, all good things must come to an end. I can’t get my own place in any one location that way. At my age though, no one is jumping to hire me either, especially for something I could enjoy. .
I feel so frustrated. I cannot seem to get any direction. I think I have but then I get stuck, feels like I’m sinking in the mire, going in circles or more of a maze.